Why do men cheat?

T Scott – an interesting perspective on Troy’s Blog

Sigh…Well unlike all of the stories I’ve heard up to now there’s not one reason that anyone cheats.  However, the many reasons for cheating can be separated into two categories… you guessed it : Physical and Emotional.

Let me clarify these two behaviors quickly.  The Physical is generally known as the aggressor, the alpha male/female, whereas the Emotional is known for being the passive or the quiet one.  Unfortunately, it has been taught that being the physical is the ‘correct’ way to become successful in life…I wonder who perpetuated that idea.  I disagree.  The key to success is identifying and developing your strengths and applying them in the right place for the right purpose.

So, let’s start with the Emotional male/female.  The emotional personality comes across as shy, quiet, the cool one, a good listener or even sensitive.  The substructure of this behavior amounts to the lack of desire for confrontation creating the yes man/woman.  They are called emotionals because they put their emotions in front to protect their physical bodies; such as bashfulness, embarrassment or simply silence.  As it relates to sex, the emotional is normally waiting for the physical to make the move.  So, if you find that the two of you do a lot of waiting for the other to make the first move, you’re probably both emotionals. This causes a tremendous amount of issues in the bedroom.  The emotional needs to be warmed up first to have sex whereas the physical likes to jump right in feet first.  If the emotional feels that their needs are not being satisfied, they’re not going to ‘confront’ the physical about it, they’re typically going to tell a friend.  In the event that this friend is of the opposite sex, they’ll feel like someone actually listens to them and understands them.  Unfortunately, they’re probably talking to another emotional who agrees with them and gives advice against the physical.  This ultimately leads to affairs and the couple breaking up.

Now for the physical.  The physical is the light-hearted socialite that never meets a stranger.  They’re labeled physicals because their emotions are tied closely yo their physical actions.  Unlike the emotional, they can curse you out one minute and be your friend again in the next. They’re erroneously called emotionals most times because of their flamboyant expressions of their feelings.  They’re called go-getters, over-reactors, on the edge or quick-witted, bossy, short-tempered and all out physical.  This is why the emotional turns away and wont continue to fight or argue with them.  The physical mistakes this submission as a win, when in fact the emotional is internally making plans for revenge.When its time for the physical to have sex and the emotional turns them away, that doesn’t mean that the feeling went away.  So, what do they do?  They call up some friends head out to the bar and pick up another physical who likes to have sex as much as they do.  However, the physical will not typically choose another physical to be in a relationship with…unless there’s money involved.  That goes for both personalities actually.

So, at the end of the day, people cheat because of the lack of understanding what the other person needs in the relationship.  If you knew how to communicate properly with your mate…you can get anything from them that you ever dreamed of.  Now, this is not the end all be all of cheating but it is why most problems occur in the bedroom.

In closing, I’d like to stress that there is no right or wrong person in a relationship, there are only different ways of communicating our feelings.  Both parties have to be willing to see it from the other side.  Balance in a relationship comes from expressing your will their way or vice-versa.

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A conscious relationship

  • A conscious relationship

  • The purpose – heal childhood wounds
  • Create an accurate picture of your partner
  • Take responsibility to communicate needs and desires
  • Become more intentional rather than interactional
  • Value needs and wishes of your partner as highly as you value your own
  • Acknowledge the dark side of your personality
  • Learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires. Develop a strategy together
  • Search within yourself for the strengths and lacking abilities
  • Be loving and at one with the world
  • Accepting the difficulty of creating a good relationship

Seek to understand, and then to be understood

If it’s important……  learn to listen.     Walk together.   Make a special daily time.

Express your emotions or that  resistance will lead to resentment and rejection