Responsibility! Stop the blame game.
Many people throw the blame for their problems onto someone else – usually their partner. When we blame others we opt out of responsibility. We abdicate the possibility for change. We lose our power to make a difference….all in the name of ‘being right’. A great loss to the relationship!
What can I do to change the situation?
What did I do to contribute to this situation?
Did I not trust?
Did I fail to be clear about what I wanted?
Did I choose the wrong time?
Did I fail to stand up for what I believe is true for me?
Did I fail to ask for what I wanted?
Did I not ask enough? Appreciate enough?
Did I not do what I said I would do?
Did I procrastinate?
There is an often quoted saying, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free”. Facing up to truth is a choice. It is at the very core of human nature to blame others. Blame is a form of self-preservation, an escape mechanism for us. We don’t want things to be our responsibility, so we rationalise our actions and go to any extreme to blame others. However, the relationship suffers big time! In protecting ourselves, we damage the relationship.
When we appoint blame, we lose the opportunity to solve a problem. We are more responsible for our decisions than we think. ‘What goes around comes around’. When blaming, we may think we’ve got away ‘with it’. Think again! Do you really think that we have? What are the real consequences of blaming? Does it work? I expect that the answer is “No”. Here then, is an opportunity to make a real difference. Choose not to blame…….it doesn’t work!
Nothing in our relationship will change unless we begin to do something different. If you want to get something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.
Gandhi put it this way, “We must become the change we seek in the world (relationship) and that takes a decision”. It’s all in the ability to choose.
How often do we choose to be caring, honest, accepting and responsible?
These attributes don’t seem to be ‘natural’ in our society!
Maybe we get caught up in the following?
Not interested enough in others? Too busy getting self together?
– detracting from CARING / AWARENESS
Manipulating? Defensive? Not wanting to deal with consequences?
– detracting from HONESTY
Power games? I’m not good enough? Fixed on “getting it right”? Socialised black and white thinking?
– detracting from ACCEPTING
Taking the easy route? Following others? Fear of making the “wrong” decision? Blaming others?
– detracting from RESPONSIBILITY