Listening – a highly under utilized skill

Converse and listen

Knowing how to converse and listen to others is crucial to your development as a person, a couple, or just somebody who wants to have lots of friends.
The great thing about learning to communicate well is that a few simple pointers can be applied to any area of your life.  You’ll be amazed by the results.
Choose the right place. It’s no use trying to reveal or discuss something if you do not feel safe. You’ll need to decide exactly what sort of location would make you feel that way, but don’t engage in important conversations if you feel like someone could overhear, like the room is so small you feel trapped, and so on.
Decide what you want to say. Most people start talking without any clue as to what they want you to know. If you do the same thing, don’t expect anyone to understand you.
As an addendum to the tip above, make sure you stay on topic. If you want to discuss one thing but talk about two, you can’t expect your audience to know automatically what they should pay attention to.
The most widely applicable advice is to listen. Most people don’t, to be honest. But when other people know you listen, they’ll be much more likely to listen to you. Paraphrase, repeat, and ask questions whenever someone has something to tell you. Not only will they realise that you are listening but you’ll understand what they’re trying to communicate, which makes the whole thing a lot easier.
Most of these bullet points sound pretty serious, but you can use them in less important conversations as well. It’s all about deciding what you want out of a given conversation: if it’s something important, it’d make sense to adhere pretty closely to these rules, but if you’re just shooting the breeze, you don’t need to take them so seriously. And remember, the more you practice the easier it gets.

Good luck everyone, putting in the practice.

Cheers, Lexia


As we sow, we reap!

 “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, they make them.”   –  George Bernard Shaw

Well, it’s pretty apparent, isn’t it? And every person who discovered this believed (for a while) that he was the first one to work it out. We become what we think about.

Conversely, the person who has no goal, who doesn’t know where she’s/he’s going, and whose thoughts must therefore be thoughts of confusion, anxiety and worry – his life becomes one of frustration, fear, anxiety and worry. And if he thinks about nothing… he becomes nothing.

How does it work? Why do we become what we think about? Well, I’ll tell you how it works, as far as we know. To do this, I want to tell you about a situation that parallels the human mind.

Suppose a farmer has some land, and it’s good, fertile land. The land gives the farmer a choice; he may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn’t care. It’s up to the farmer to make the decision.

We’re comparing the human mind with the land because the mind, like the land, doesn’t care what you plant in it. It will return what you plant, but it doesn’t care what you plant.

Now, let’s say that the farmer has two seeds in his hand- one is a seed of corn, the other is nightshade, a deadly poison. He digs two little holes in the earth and he plants both seeds-one corn, the other nightshade. He covers up the holes, waters and takes care of the land…and what will happen? Invariably, the land will return what was planted.

Remember the land doesn’t care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn.

The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn’t care what we plant…success…or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal…or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety and so on. But what we plant must return to us.

You see, the human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant.

Ref.  The Strangest Secret by Earl Nightingale

Taking Responsibility

What does Responsibility mean to you?

If you blame!  And who doesn’t?  Read on.

To me, it used to have connotations of obligation, accountability, ownership, and being loaded with a generous pinch of judgment and self-blame or liability. It conjures up images of my childhood,   “You need to be responsible”.   It was good to learn that it’s about choosing our actions and with them come their consequences.  To not blame others and therefore to have much more control over my live,  even if I didn’t want to own that responsibility all the time! It’s much easier to blame. Now I realise that blaming makes me a victim to circumstances rather than feeling in control of my own life.

“You take responsibility for your life and a ‘terrible’ thing happens… no one to blame!”

Responsibility is your ‘ability to respond”.  WOW!  That’s a pretty cool way of looking at it!  So by taking responsibility, you are acknowledging your ability to respond.  You are not a passive recipient in the world but an active entity!   I loved the freedom and power that came with seeing it in this new light: responsibility: your “response ability” or “ability to respond”.

So how does it apply to real life?

Embracing that we have control over what happens next.  We  take control of the situation and put the ball back in our court.  By taking responsibility for our health,  life,  actions, we take back our power and become free to respond and move forward in any way we choose.   By not taking responsibility or holding others responsible, we give our power away, we are effectively saying I have no control over that, which leaves us powerless to change and grow or influence others and circumstances.

It would appear that taking responsibility takes us to the point for maximum growth. It is so rich with potential and so powerful!                                                 Here’s to stepping into our own power!

Dance! Dance! Dance!

Did you know?

  • Music improves serotonin levels making you feel happier.
  • Music can help you relax: “Half an hour of music produces the same effect as 10 milligrams of Valium.”  R. Bahr, Director of Coronary Care, St. Agnes Hospital, Baltimore, Maryland.
  • Dancing is so good for the memory and mind it has a preventative effect on Alzheimers disease!
  • Dancing burns calories, tones your muscles and is a great way of getting fit!

There is something so invigorating about Latin Dancing!  I love my Zumba. I get such a thrill from it I feel like I am high!  Maybe it is the music, maybe it’s  all that blood rushing around my body, whatever it is, IT FEELS GREAT!

What’s your choice?

“Where in your life are you avoiding a choice?  Are you willing to make self-honouring choices today?  If you don’t make clear and conscious choices, you’ll be stuck with whatever shows up. ” Iyanla Vanzart

This is quite a confronting quote. But there is so much in it… The quote eludes to how even not making a choice is actually making a choice.  “Are you willing to make self-honouring choices today?”  Wow, this is important, how often in life are the choices you make in line with what you really want, really feel, really believe.  By making self-honouring choices you start to make different sorts of decisions and live a life more in line with your values and meeting your needs.  This is powerful.

Are there things in your life that you are putting off and hoping will just go away? We never get to hide from ourselves, so if it is a life choice that you are putting off and it affects your wellbeing, taking ownership and doing what you need to do… can be very liberating.

Sometimes it is challenging to stand up for yourself or to have the courage to make decisions or choices that other people might not understand and might not approve of.  One of the most important things you can do for yourself and your health is to be true to yourself.

Make choices in line with your value systems and in line with your beliefs.   Sometimes it might make you unpopular, sometimes it might upset others.  Dr Demartini once explained: “If I have to choose to (upset) myself or (upset) somebody else, I choose them”, while this may come across as quite a selfish point of view in some ways it makes sense,  at the end of the day, many people will come in and out of your lives, but you are stuck with you and your choices forever.

Also, are you ‘saving’ someone’s feelings OR saving yourself from the consequences!?

And one interesting thing I have observed is how often the choices you make will actually inspire people or encourage people, empowering them or giving them permission to make self honouring choices as well.

Have the courage to stand up for yourself, believe in yourself and make the choices you know you need to make. “If you don’t stand for something, you may fall for anything.”

You will always be glad you did… and know that whatever choice you end up making will be exactly the right one for you at this moment and for this circumstance.

Deep down you know exactly what it is you want and need  … trust that.

Health for Busy People!

Is it possible to be busy and healthy?

When you are pushed for time it can be hard to even think about, let alone action, a healthy lifestyle.

How much is your health costing your business?How much is your health costing you?

What you need is a few simple, easy to apply solutions, that will make an impact but require very little effort to implement.

Here are 5 things you can do that will help to:

  • Keep your energy levels up
  • Keep your mind focused
  • Keep you in control of your mood
  1. Eat something for breakfast: some quick breakfast choices are… a Carmen’s muesli bar, an apple and a handful of nuts, a bowl of muesli, a bowl of instant oats, A vegetable juice (a good combination is apple, beetroot, carrot, celery and ginger), a banana and a some almonds, fruit salad and yoghurt, whole grain seeded toast/pumperknickle or rye toast with avocado, peanut butter,  hummus, sliced tomato, a boiled egg or some veggie mite.  A good breakfast gives your brain, red blood cells and nerves the energy they need to get fired up and function for the day.  If you don’t have breakfast your body will break down your MUSCLE to fuel itself, a sure way to make you feel tired and low on energy.
  2. Keep healthy snacks like nuts and fresh fruit or trailmix, veggie sticks or sesame ryevita and hummus  handy to snack on during the day. Eating regularly through the day (small amounts 3-5 times) helps to keep your blood sugar levels stable, which keeps your energy levels and your mood stable… it’s that simple! The fresher the food, the more energy available in it.
  3. Keep well hydrated. Drink lots of water and keep the caffeine intake low.  A dehydrated brain feels foggy, dizzy and dirty.  Keep it feeling fresh and clear with lots of hydrating fluids, water, herbal teas, vegetable juices (aim for at least 3 glasses of water and 3 cups of some other caffeine free, 100 % natural beverage like 2 herbal teas and a vegetable juice) .
  4. Move your body in a way that feels good.  Keep the energy flowing into and out of your body, think of your body as a body of water, you want to stir it up every now and again, keep the stream flowing and circulating, airing it, energising it so that it doesn’t stagnate. Do you want a crystal flowing stream, bubbling brook or a stagnant smelly swamp.  Move in ways that you love e.g. walk, sFind time to play!kip, dance, body surf in the ocean, ride your bicycle, do the funky chicken with your kids, hike, swim… Start by getting physical in ways that feel invigorating and are filled with pleasure, don’t start with exercises that feel like torture and punishment. Move everyday! Do it with someone if it helps. The payoff from the commitment is MASSIVE. Commit to it, then do it, you will be SO glad you did after you have. Make time to play!
  5. Live on purpose… live and act with deliberate intention, pride and love. Love what you are creating and contributing to and acting on everyday. Find ways to reflect positively and shed light on all your daily activities. The things that you are finding difficult to do or procrastinating about might be out of line with your value systems, your beliefs, your purpose… this will cause incongruency in your life, which can manifest as pain, fatigue, frustration, disease. Find little ways to be grateful for what you are doing, find pleasure in all you do and do what you love.


Nurture yourself when you need comfort

Need some extra inspiration or support?


Busting procrastination

I often get the question…….Why can’t I do what I want to do? 

How can I stop procrastinating?

procrastination = distractions (+ excuses)

Answer these questions;         What are the distractions?         Why the excuses?
Also;         Is there a lack of motivation?         Does your task fit with your values and desires?

Are you a Passive procrastinator  –  relaxed and enjoying life?

or an Active procrastinator  –  protecting yourself.     Fear of ……………………..

The Procrastination Process

Procrastination is a strange phenomenon.  Its purpose seems to be to make our life more pleasant, but instead it almost always adds stress, disorganisation and frequently failure.

Just some of the myriad of reasons we might procrastinate include:


Evaluation Anxiety

Fear of the Unknown

Fear of Failure.

Inability to Handle the Task

Feeling Overwhelmed

Fear and Anxiety

Negative Beliefs about Yourself. 

What to Do about Procrastination

If we are able to admit that our procrastination is not the basic “problem” but rather an attempted “cure” for fears, self-doubts, and dislike of work, we are able to uncover the real problems – underlying fears, attitudes and irrational ideas. We can then deal with the real “problem” and make responsible choices.

Asking yourself, “Am I a relaxed or a tense procrastinator?”

Mark Twain once observed, “twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by things that you didn’t do than by the things that you did do”. When we procrastinate, we create much of our own misery in the first place by telling ourselves the task is really awful (“I hate all this reading”) or by putting ourselves down (“I’ll do a terrible job”) or by telling ourselves something is very unfair (“This task is ridiculous, I can’t stand my boss”) or by setting impossible goals (“I’ve got to get all A’s”). Then we procrastinate to avoid our own self-created emotional dislike of the job at hand.

It’s important now to start stacking your successes

by keeping your word to yourself.


DO what you say you will, and your subconscious mind

will become less of a saboteur and more on your side.

We finally did it – ordered our ‘relationship accelerator’ from Germany

related post – Are You Procrastinating or Just Disinterested?