Let each person in relationship worry about Self – what Self is being, doing and having; what Self is wanting, asking, giving; what Self is seeking, creating experiencing, and all relationships would magnificently serve their purpose…..and their participants! Let each person in relationship worry not about the other, but only, only, only about Self.
This seems a strange teaching, for you have been told that in the highest form of relationship, one worries only about the other. Yet I tell you this: your focus upon the other-your obsession with the other-is what causes relationships to fail.
It doesn’t matter what the other is being, doing, having, saying, wanting, demanding. It doesn’t matter what the other is thinking, expecting, planning. It only matters what you are being in relationship to that. The most loving person is the person who is Self-centred.
If you cannot love your self, you cannot love another. Many people make the mistake of seeking love of self through love for another. They think: “If I can just love others, they will love me. Then I will be lovable, and I can love me.”
Thus, two people literally lose themselves in a relationship. They get into the relationship hoping to find themselves, and they lose themselves instead. This losing of the self in a relationship is what causes most of the bitterness in such couplings.
It is only when they can accept responsibility for all of it that they can achieve the power to change part of it. It is much easier to change what you are doing than to change what another is doing.
If you had to accept-or even felt a deep inner sense of-personal responsibility for work, it would be a far different place. This would certainly be true if everyone felt responsible. That this is so patently obvious is what makes it so utterly painful, and so poignantly ironic.
Source – ‘Conversations with God’ – Neal Donald Walsh