100/0 Relationship Principle

Taking 100% responsibility for your relationship

What is the most effective way to create and sustain great relationships with others? It’s The 100/0 Principle: You take full responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.

Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.

The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in your life where the relationships are too important to react automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work associates, clients, suppliers, family and friends.

STEP 1 – Determine what you can do to make the relationship work…then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person, whether he/she deserves it or not.

STEP 2 – Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.

STEP 3 – Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don’t take the bait.

STEP 4 – Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don’t respond in kind. Remember to expect nothing in return.

At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, you need to avoid being the “Knower” and shift to being the “Learner.” Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like “that won’t work,” “I’m right, you are wrong,” “I know it and you don’t,” “I’ll teach you,” “that’s just the way it is,” “I need to tell you what I know,” etc.

Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like “Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation,” “I could be wrong,” “I wonder if there is anything of value here,” “I wonder if…” etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!

Principle Paradox

This may strike you as strange, but here’s the paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved. Congratulations well deserved!

source;  Al Ritter

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How do we get out of the blame game?

What does Responsibility mean to you?

To me, it used to have connotations of obligation, accountability, ownership, and being loaded with a generous pinch of judgment and self-blame or liability. It conjures up images of my childhood,   “You need to be responsible”.   It was good to learn that it’s about choosing our actions and with them come their consequences.  To not blame others and therefore to have much more control over my live,  even if I didn’t want to own that responsibility all the time! It’s much easier to blame. Now I realise that blaming makes me a victim to circumstances rather than feeling in control of my own life.

“You take responsibility for your life and a ‘terrible’ thing happens… no one to blame!”

Responsibility is your ‘ability to respond”.  WOW!  That’s a pretty cool way of looking at it!  So by taking responsibility, you are acknowledging your ability to respond.  You are not a passive recipient in the world but an active entity!   I loved the freedom and power that came with seeing it in this new light: responsibility: your “response ability” or “ability to respond”.

So how does it apply to real life?

Embracing that we have control over what happens next.  We  take control of the situation and put the ball back in our court.  By taking responsibility for our health,  life,  actions, we take back our power and become free to respond and move forward in any way we choose.   By not taking responsibility or holding others responsible, we give our power away, we are effectively saying I have no control over that, which leaves us powerless to change and grow or influence others and circumstances.

It would appear that taking responsibility takes us to a point for maximum growth.

Here’s to stepping into our own power! Love to hear what you think below.

Simply danLrene's Opinion

image by turnbacktogod.com

Choice…..what a powerful thing. We wake up every morning and we have a day’s worth of choices before us. We choose what to wear, what to eat, where to go, what to do, whether to talk on the phone, take a shower, fix our hair, drive the car, clean the house, go outside…..our whole life is filled with choices. And that gives us power.

Choices are not just about what we physically do. They are also about what we do emotionally…about how we face the day…about whether we are honest or not….about how we love or don’t love….about whether we are happy or not….about whether to fight or not.  So many choices and it is a power that can be awesome if we utilize it.

image from spiritually-true.com

Choice is only powerful if we use it though. Many will give up their power and their right to…

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Thanks for this – it’s lovely to see in writing that children fair better in single parent households than a conflicted ones.

Fortuitous Forty!!!


If you are human and if you are an adult than at some point in your life you have probably experienced a rough relationship or a rough spell within a relationship. I am sure you are one of many people to ask yourself whether you should fight to save your relationship or flee. This is an important question to ask yourself.  This is a hard question to ask yourself

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What a wonderful blog and this post! I am rebloging it. Said wonderfully.

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Lexia, with 30 years experience, is skilled and passionate about busting the blockages that prevent us from living the life we love.

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