Female Orgasm


We are all different!


We have always known as women that our sexuality is completely different to men’s  – the whole male thing of the biological imperative to spread the DNA as far and wide as possible and the whole woman thing of capturing a mate for long enough to bring life into the world and have it cared for the first 7 years etc (the 7 year itch makes complete sense after all) and the fact that we manage to spend any time at all together in the face of such a truly absurd cosmic joke is truly a miracle!

But I must say that I never did get the differences in women’s sexuality and they were obviously there. Sitting around with a bunch of girlfriends over the years getting drunk enough to let truth emerge and then being somewhat astounded at some of the things that emerged and in my mind going, really? And wondering what I was lacking in some areas and possibly outrageously dementedly over the top in others!

And so myths and confusions continued to abound and because of those taboos and inadequacies (religion has a lot to answer for) that are so entrenched over countless generations and because our mothers were ill equipped to deal with their own issues never mind address our own, and despite the sexual revolution that soon became commodified and sold back to us in a variety of ways that simply added fuel to the fire of confusion – we remained in the dark about some of the basics to this day!

Due to a medical condition – Naomi Wolf discovered……

The pelvic nerve is a vastly complex piece of anatomy that profoundly affects how each woman experiences orgasm and is as individual as a finger print.

The nerves branch to the base of the spine while another branch originates in the clitoris, dorsal and clitoral nerve and other branches – like the roots of a tree are connected to the vagina and cervix.

This complex tree of nerves is then connected to the spinal chord and the brain.

Some women have more branches in the vagina than the clitoris and visa versa, some have more to the perineum and some have more to the cervix and this accounts for the huge variety in sexual experience of women. So it is our neural wiring that accounts for the vast well of difference in the sexual experience and has nothing to do with the unconscious or frigidity or patriarchy or emotions or guilt or other things. Freeing us from the guilt or inadequacy that we are getting it wrong or we are uptight or what ever else we may have read about it in a psychological text or trashy women’s magazine!

So all the discussions over the decades about sociology, he id and repression, or sexual freedom, or dominance and submission etc have been a bit like discussing how the world comes to stop at the edge o f the flat earth! Irrelevant really. So if women are not reaching certain types of orgasm it is not because they are unskilled or uptight or inhibited but simply that they are not sure of their own wiring and what best works for them. Comparing them to other women and what works for them is like comparing apples and pears – no two are the same!

This is not to say that experience does not contribute to psychological impairment of reception of pleasure – it does. Sexual abuse, surgery, shame and other factors play a part but the work of Ms Wolf shows us that we can release a great deal of shame and inadequacy because his last girlfriend was different or your friends talk about things you have not experienced and you experience things they have not.

Very liberating ladies – very liberating indeed lol




Having a “good” fight


3 tips to having a “GOOD” fight…



The simple truth is that we are all going to end up having fights and  arguments throughout our lives.

To think otherwise would be self-delusional!

For me, it makes more sense  to be prepared for it rather than to pretend it’s never going to happen.

I don’t mean that you should always anticipating a fight and be thinking about your tactics. That would be attracting it into your life, and that’s not a good thing.

What I do mean is, having a strategy so that you can reduce or eliminate the negative emotions that often result from the fight.

Here’s three tips that will help you do that:

1. Respect the other persons opinion.

Keep in mind that the other person’s opinion is very very important to them. It’s not something that they are going to give up just because you disagree with it.

By  doing this it will help you to remain less emotional and more rational. And that’s a big key to eliminating the negative emotions that come from fighting.

2. The other person is always right!

If you can take that position from the onset of any disagreement, then you’ll be able to understand why they have a different opinion to you.

Put yourself in their shoes for just a few minutes and really try and learn why they think that way.

You don’t have to agree with them, but trying to understand why they think that way will keep the emotions a lot lower.

A word of caution here – Don’t just listen to them and then tell them why they are wrong, truly try to understand why they might be right.

It will create an enormous amount of respect from them, for you. And that’s going to help a lot when you put your thoughts forward.

3. Don’t accept abusive or disrespectful language.

This goes both ways, you shouldn’t use it and you shouldn’t accept it from them.

If you feel you are getting too emotional, then let the other person know and ask them if it’s ok to finish the conversation a little later.

That gives you time to calm down and think rationally about the argument.

If they get abusive or disrespectful, explain to them that the agreement is too emotional and you’d like to continue it when they have calmed down.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: These tips are for dealing with most normal arguments. If you are in a physically abusive situation, then seek professional help  right now, before any more arguments take place.

There is really no excuse for verbal abuse, and certainly there isn’t any excuse for physical abuse.