We are all different!
We have always known as women that our sexuality is completely different to men’s – the whole male thing of the biological imperative to spread the DNA as far and wide as possible and the whole woman thing of capturing a mate for long enough to bring life into the world and have it cared for the first 7 years etc (the 7 year itch makes complete sense after all) and the fact that we manage to spend any time at all together in the face of such a truly absurd cosmic joke is truly a miracle!
But I must say that I never did get the differences in women’s sexuality and they were obviously there. Sitting around with a bunch of girlfriends over the years getting drunk enough to let truth emerge and then being somewhat astounded at some of the things that emerged and in my mind going, really? And wondering what I was lacking in some areas and possibly outrageously dementedly over the top in others!
And so myths and confusions continued to abound and because of those taboos and inadequacies (religion has a lot to answer for) that are so entrenched over countless generations and because our mothers were ill equipped to deal with their own issues never mind address our own, and despite the sexual revolution that soon became commodified and sold back to us in a variety of ways that simply added fuel to the fire of confusion – we remained in the dark about some of the basics to this day!
Due to a medical condition – Naomi Wolf discovered……
The pelvic nerve is a vastly complex piece of anatomy that profoundly affects how each woman experiences orgasm and is as individual as a finger print.
The nerves branch to the base of the spine while another branch originates in the clitoris, dorsal and clitoral nerve and other branches – like the roots of a tree are connected to the vagina and cervix.
This complex tree of nerves is then connected to the spinal chord and the brain.
Some women have more branches in the vagina than the clitoris and visa versa, some have more to the perineum and some have more to the cervix and this accounts for the huge variety in sexual experience of women. So it is our neural wiring that accounts for the vast well of difference in the sexual experience and has nothing to do with the unconscious or frigidity or patriarchy or emotions or guilt or other things. Freeing us from the guilt or inadequacy that we are getting it wrong or we are uptight or what ever else we may have read about it in a psychological text or trashy women’s magazine!
So all the discussions over the decades about sociology, he id and repression, or sexual freedom, or dominance and submission etc have been a bit like discussing how the world comes to stop at the edge o f the flat earth! Irrelevant really. So if women are not reaching certain types of orgasm it is not because they are unskilled or uptight or inhibited but simply that they are not sure of their own wiring and what best works for them. Comparing them to other women and what works for them is like comparing apples and pears – no two are the same!
This is not to say that experience does not contribute to psychological impairment of reception of pleasure – it does. Sexual abuse, surgery, shame and other factors play a part but the work of Ms Wolf shows us that we can release a great deal of shame and inadequacy because his last girlfriend was different or your friends talk about things you have not experienced and you experience things they have not.
Very liberating ladies – very liberating indeed lol