1. You realise that your relationship has a hidden purpose – the healing of childhood wounds. Instead of focusing entirely on surface needs and desires, you learn to recognise the unresolved childhood issues that underly them. When you look at relationship with this x-ray vision, your daily interactions take on more meaning. Puzzling aspects of your relationship begin to make sense to you, and you have a greater sense of control.
2. You create a more accurate image of your partner. At the very moment of your attraction, you began fusing your partner with your parents or caretakers. Later you projected your negative traits onto your partner, further concealing your partner’s essential reality. As you move towards a conscious relationship, you gradually let go of these illusions and begin to see more of your partner’s truth. You see your partner not as your saviour but as another wounded human being, struggling to be healed.
3. You take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your partner. In an unconscious relationship, you cling to the childhood belief that your partner automatically understands your needs. In a conscious relationship, you accept the fact that, in order to understand each other, you have to develop clear channels of communication.
4. You become more intentional in your interactions. In an unconscious relationship, you tend to react without thinking. You allow the response of your subconscious to control your behaviour. In a conscious relationship, you train yourself to behave in a more constructive manner.
5. You learn to value your partner’s needs and wishes as highly as you value your own. In an unconscious relationship, you assume that your partner’s role in life is to take care of your needs magically. In a conscious relationship, you let go of this view and divert more and more of your energy to meeting your partner’s needs.
6. You embrace the dark side of your personality. In a conscious relationship, you openly acknowledge the fact that you, like everyone else, have negative traits. As you accept responsibility for this dark side of your nature, you lessen your tendency to project your negative traits onto your mate, which creates a less hostile environment.
7. You learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires. During the power struggle, you rave, rant, and blame in an attempt to coerce your partner to meet your needs. When you attempt to move beyond this stage, you realise that your partner can indeed be a resource for you – once you abandon your self-defeating tactics.
8. You search within yourself for the strengths and abilities you are lacking. One reason you were attracted to your partner is that your partner had strengths and abilities that you lacked. Therefore, being with your partner gave you an illusory sense of wholeness. In a conscious relationship, you learn that the only way you can truly recapture a sense of oneness is to develop the hidden traits within yourself.
9. You become aware of your drive to be loving and whole and at one with the world around you. As a part of your inherent nature, you have the ability to love unconditionally and to experience oneness with the world around you. Social conditioning and imperfect parenting made you lose touch with these qualities. In a conscious relationship, you begin to rediscover your original nature.
10. You accept the difficulty of creating a good relationship. In an unconscious relationship, you believe that the way to have a good relationship is to pick the right partner. In a conscious relationship, you realise you have to be the right partner. As you gain a more realistic view of love relationships, you realise that a good relationship requires commitment, discipline, and the courage to grow and change; relationships are hard work.
Source – Beyond Success Coaching, Relationship Unit