How much is this planet in the state that we’re in because our social conditioning does not encourage the skill of making our own choices and accepting the consequences of those choices? Do we try to control others, rather than support? How much do we as individuals take responsibility? Or do we play the very common blaming game?
Here is my favourite definition of Personal Responsibility –
Nothing and no-one is put on this earth to make my life work out.
While things might sometimes overwhelm me, I take full responsibility for giving myself the best life I can,
regardless of the past, or what may happen in the future.
Furthermore, I have the ability to make choices about how I respond to situations even if I can’t change the situations themselves.
I refuse to see myself as a victim, even though I may at times be victimised.
I am totally responsible for my life.
I am not responsible for other people’s lives.
The diagram below on the left is a general reflection of past social conditioning. The right diagram is where we are moving toward. See the ‘benefit’ in living on the left! And the benefit of living on the right. It’s our choice.
In this day and age, we are evolving towards a self controlled, rather than an other controlled, society. Our young are going to need this sense of responsibility if we are to become solution focussed rather than competitive and blaming.
“If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.”
QUOTE: The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ~Bob Moawad
Peace, love and blessings, Lexia
The best qualification of being a parent is to discover love and teach it to your children.
Without love, you will not respond but react to your child from fear, frustration or hurt.
If a child is brought up without fear and anxiety, they are capable of giving love.
A child is born right at the moment of conception.
The period of conception to the first 6 hours of the child’s life is crucial.
Keep the child in the space of love for the first 6 weeks…. especially, no super markets, or negativity.
A child’s education begins in the womb, where the child is experiencing what the mother and father are experiencing. In the womb, the child is experiencing “being”.
Yoga, meditation and being happy are beneficial for the pregnant mother and for the child. The father’s most important job is to make sure that mother is very, very happy.
In the first 6 hours, the child has an expanded state of consciousness and can sense the thoughts and feelings of everyone around. Shower them with love and touch them and hold them. Children make fundamental decisions before the age of 6, which they may carry for the rest of their lives.
Treat them like a King or Queen. Lavish them with love, attention and affection. Reduce the ‘no’s
Try to be present to the child.
The child’s responses and perceptions evolve from here.
Treat the child like a prince or princess.
Strike a balance between freedom and discipline.
Be an example of what you would like your children to become.
Children are natural imitators. Children see and children do.
12/14 years plus
Treat them like a friend and equal. Bring respect along with love. Children who are respected grow up to be great individuals.
After 12/14, you need not give instruction to your child, rather use suggestion and enquiries.
Most likely your child will start saying ‘no’ to you. Do not suppress this no phase. It will pass by around the age of 18-20.
Suppression of this ‘no’ phase may lead the child to ‘no’ throughout life.
Help the child think and make decisions to be independent and enquiring, whilst at the same time giving them your full support.
Don’t feel guilty for mistakes. Love can heal.
Hold your child in your heart, and if you have hurt them, ask for forgiveness.
In their innocence, they come trustingly into your care.
Reference – Notes from a Oneness weekend course.
The bottom line when it comes to integrity is that it allows others to trust you. And without trust, you have nothing. Truth is the single most important factor in personal and profession relationships. It is the glue that holds people together. And it is the key to becoming a person of influence.
Trust is an increasingly rare commodity these days. People have become increasingly suspicious and skeptical. Bill Kynes expressed the feelings of a whole generation when he wrote;
We thought we could trust the military but then came Vietnam;
We thought we could trust the Politicians, but then came Watergate;
We thought we could trust the engineers, but then came the Cballenger disaster;
We thought we could trust our broker, but then came Black Monday;
We thought we could trust the preachers, but then came PTL and Jimmy Swaggart.
So who can I trust?
At one time you could assume that others would trust you until you gave them a reason not to. But today with most people, you must prove your trustworthiness first. That’s what makes integrity so important if you want to become a person of influence. Trust comes from others only when you exemplify solid character.
“Becoming a Person of Influence”
John C. Maxwell Jim Dornan
Character is made in the
small moments of our lives.
— Phillips Brooks
People today are desperate for leaders, but they want to be influenced only by individuals they can trust, persons of good character. If you want to become someone who can positive influence other people, you need to develop the following qualities of integrity and live them out every day:
- Model consistency of character. Solid trust can develop only when people can trust you all the time. If they never know from moment to moment what you’re going to do, the relationship will never deepen to a confident level of trust.
- Employ honest communication. To be trustworthy, you have to be like a good musical composition; your words and music must match.
- Value transparency. People eventually find out about your flaws, even if you try to hide them. But if you’re honest with people and admit your weaknesses, they will appreciate your honesty and integrity. And they will be able to relate to you better.
- Exemplify humility. People won’t trust you if they see that you are driven by ego, jealousy, or the belief that you are better than they are.
- Demonstrate your support of others. Nothing develops or displays your character better than your desire to put others first. As our friend Zig Ziglar says, help enough other people to succeed, and you will succeed also.
- Fulfill your promises. Never promise anything you can’t deliver. And when you say you’ll do something, follow through on it. A sure way to break trust with others is to fail to fulfill your commitments.
- Embrace an attitude of service. We have been put on this earth not to be served, but to serve. Giving of yourself and your time to others shows that you care about them. Missionary physician Sir Wilfred T Grenfell held that “the service we render to others is really the rent we ray for our room on this earth.” People of integrity are givers, not takers.
- Encourage two-way participation with the people you influence. When you live a life of integrity, people listen to you and follow you. Always remember that the goal of influence is not manipulation; it’s participation. Only as you include others in your life and success do you permanently succeed.
It has been said that you don’t really know people until you have observed them when they interact with a child, when the car has a flat tire, when the boss is away, and when they think no one will ever know. But people with integrity never have to worry about that. No matter where they are, who they are with or what kind of situation they find themselves in, they are consistent and live by their principles.
BE TRUE TO YOUR IDEALS, VALUES AND LIFE PURPOSE
Be accountable for your choices and actions in life.
Expect that you will not always live up to your expectations.
Be aware of your character benefits and traps.
Be willing to make mistakes, learn and correct.
DON’T blame others or your life situation for not getting what you want.
Become clear on your own values and live your life in accordance with these. What is important to you? Why?
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
Honour yourself and who you are and don’t limit yourself to who you think you are. You are inevitably far far more!
Life is a process of BECOMING. Who/what are you willing to become? Are you prepared to do the work? Be accountable? Take the required action?
N.B. Do whatever you need to do to RESOLVE YOUR PERSONAL HISTORY. If you don’t – your history will run you!
This means transcending the conditioned limits of society,
going out into the world,
being absolutely magnificent.
Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offence.
Love keeps no score of wrongs;
does not gloat over other’s sins,
but delights in the truth.
There is nothing that love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and its endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.
Let each person in relationship worry about Self – what Self is being, doing and having; what Self is wanting, asking, giving; what Self is seeking, creating experiencing, and all relationships would magnificently serve their purpose…..and their participants! Let each person in relationship worry not about the other, but only, only, only about Self.
This seems a strange teaching, for you have been told that in the highest form of relationship, one worries only about the other. Yet I tell you this: your focus upon the other-your obsession with the other-is what causes relationships to fail.
It doesn’t matter what the other is being, doing, having, saying, wanting, demanding. It doesn’t matter what the other is thinking, expecting, planning. It only matters what you are being in relationship to that. The most loving person is the person who is Self-centred.
If you cannot love your self, you cannot love another. Many people make the mistake of seeking love of self through love for another. They think: “If I can just love others, they will love me. Then I will be lovable, and I can love me.”
Thus, two people literally lose themselves in a relationship. They get into the relationship hoping to find themselves, and they lose themselves instead. This losing of the self in a relationship is what causes most of the bitterness in such couplings.
It is only when they can accept responsibility for all of it that they can achieve the power to change part of it. It is much easier to change what you are doing than to change what another is doing.
If you had to accept-or even felt a deep inner sense of-personal responsibility for work, it would be a far different place. This would certainly be true if everyone felt responsible. That this is so patently obvious is what makes it so utterly painful, and so poignantly ironic.
Source – ‘Conversations with God’ – Neal Donald Walsh
Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds. ‘What does love mean?’
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined
See what you think:
‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’
Rebecca- age 8
‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’
Billy – age 4
‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’
Karl – age 5
‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’
Chrissy – age 6
‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’
Terri – age 4
‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’
Danny – age 7
‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss’
Emily – age 8
‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)
‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate , ‘
Nikka – age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)
‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day..’
Noelle – age 7
‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’
Tommy – age 6
‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’
Cindy – age 8
‘My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’
Clare – age 6
‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’
Chris – age 7
‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’
Mary Ann – age 4
‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’
Lauren – age 4
‘When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.'(what an image)
Karen – age 7
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross..’
Mark – age 6
‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it , you should say it a lot. People forget.’
Jessica – age 8
And the final one
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there..
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said ,
‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’
From the mouths of babes!
This email was sent to me, received with much gratitude.
I hope it moves you as it did me. With love, Lexia
reproduced by Carolyn O