Power of words

Are you proud of every word you say?

words to destiny“Would the people I am talking about feel special if they could hear what I was saying about them?

Will My conversations, with every person feel better or worse about themselves after they walk away from me?

Do I tell the whole truth or do I add some extra juicy or gossipy bits to make the story interesting?

Does the tone of my voice make me sound harsh, aggressive or loud?

Do I use complimentary, positive words about all the people in my life or do negative words about my family, friends, team mates or strangers appear when I am angry, tired, frustrated or feeling defensive?

Do my words compliment or criticise?

Do my words pick people up or pull people down?

Do I choose to speak highly of people or would it be better if I said nothing?

Do my words add value to or devalue the people in my life?

Would I be proud of myself if all of my conversations found their way onto the radio for everyone to hear?

Can I be proud of the person I am because of the words I use?”

Rowena Szeszeran-McEvoy

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The company we keep

company we keep

The type of company that we keep definitely affects the mind.

To handle company that pulls
down your energy:
First, you see that you do not
get pulled down, and second,
you pull them up. Third, if you
cannot do that, then you move
away from them.

How can one measure the type of company?
If you sit and share your problem with some people, after walking away from them, if the problem appears much bigger than you ever thought, it is not good company. On the other hand, after sitting and sharing your problem with your friends, when you walk away from them, if it appears as though the problem was nothing, you were unnecessarily worrying, it does not exist, then that is very good company. This is how you should measure company.

When you leave the company, if you go out with much enthusiasm, with a positive feeling, or your energy is pulled down and you feel negative, accordingly you can label your company.

Now if you find that someone’s company is pulling you down all the time, you do not have to avoid it, you simply have to know that they pull down your energy; the next time, you refuse to be pulled down, rather pull them up!

positiveThere are two ways to handle company that pulls down your energy:
1) Pull people out of their negative syndrome – If the company of your spouse or friend is pulling you down, and you feel that you want to avoid them, how many people can you avoid? It is impossible! Instead you step in, refuse to be pulled down, and instead say that I am going to pull them up now! You pull them out of their negative syndrome, that way you are influencing them rather than getting influenced, and this is what we need to do.

2) Recognize people, do not label them, nobody is negative the entire time – Do not label a person as always negative, it is not possible. It is just very comparative, very relative; sometimes they are negative, and sometimes they are positive.

Thus, first, you see that you do not get pulled down, and second, you pull them up. Third, if you cannot do that, then you move away from them.
So, company also affects the mind!

 

Source; http://www.artofliving.org/wisdom/what-affects-your-mind

Why men lie to women

3 Reasons why men lie to women.

Guys and lies – it often seems like the two are inextricably linked!

Men, even the good ones, seem to be unable to stick to the truth.

Whether it’s about little things that don’t even really matter, or the important issues in your relationship that depend on an honest conversation…

You know he often hides behind anything from little white lies to whoppers of epic proportions!

Here’s the truth: men lie to the women they love and they lie often.

But why can’t they simply tell the truth?

There are 3 main reasons that men lie to the women in their lives…

Understanding each of them is the key to getting your man to open up so your relationship can be built on honesty and integrity, instead of suspicion and deceit!

The First Reason Behind His Lies

Sometimes men lie to women because they don’t think you want to hear the truth.

Have you ever asked, “Do I look fat in this?”

These sorts of questions have convinced men that there are too many potential traps in responding honestly.

Rather than navigate them, it’s easier to simply tell you what they think you want to hear.

The Second Reason Behind His Lies

Sometimes men lie to women because they think if they tell you the truth, you simply won’t like them as much.

If you ask, “What are you thinking about?” you’re likely to get a very fast response like this one: “Uh…nothing, honey.”

The Third (and Biggest) Reason Behind His Lies

But the third reason men lie to women is the one that shocks women the most…

One of the biggest reasons men lie to women is because men are terrified of women and their emotions!

It might sound weird, but emotions are actually a lot harder for guys to deal with and to recover from.

According to Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, women can both enter and recover from extreme emotional states a lot faster and easier than guys can.

If you think about it, it makes sense.

We’ve all seen a woman burst into tears one moment, only to be totally fine a minute or two later.

But when it comes to emotions, guys are a lot more fragile.

What do you think?  Could this information be used to change behaviour and make a difference?

Researched and written by Michael Fiore.        http://itsallaboutwomen.com

Now, why do women lie to men? Leave a thought below for our own little research!

Saying “No”

For some people saying ‘no’ is really difficult. They find it more daunting than looking after kids, running a business or even climbing a mountain. How often have you found your head screaming ‘no’ and your mouth articulating ‘yes’?  Then you are angry with yourself afterwards.

Saying ‘no’ when you actually mean ‘no’ will not only boost your confidence, it sends a message to those around you that your time and energy is just as valuable as theirs and is to be respected.

Reasons why some people find it hard to say the ‘no’ word:

  • They do not want to feel guilty
  • They are fearful of what the other person will think or feel
  • They have been conditioned to think saying no is cynical or negative
  • They worry they will miss out on future opportunities

Three ways to master the art of saying ‘No’

Buy yourself some time – 

Rather than simply blurt out ‘yes’ request time to think about it, may be even sleep on it overnight. This will indicate upfront that you may not be able to make that commitment.

Be Honest with Yourself – 

Take the time to ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 how much do I really want to do this? If you find it is less than five then consider saying ‘no’.  It may feel uncomfortable, but it will save you the feeling of deep resentment later when you find yourself doing something you don’t want to do.

Realise it is okay to say ‘no’ – 

It is important to value yourself, your own needs and desires. Saying ‘no’ may cause anger to others initially, but it soon turns to respect.

Source;  www.drdemartini.com

Listening – a highly under utilized skill

Converse and listen

Knowing how to converse and listen to others is crucial to your development as a person, a couple, or just somebody who wants to have lots of friends.
The great thing about learning to communicate well is that a few simple pointers can be applied to any area of your life.  You’ll be amazed by the results.
Choose the right place. It’s no use trying to reveal or discuss something if you do not feel safe. You’ll need to decide exactly what sort of location would make you feel that way, but don’t engage in important conversations if you feel like someone could overhear, like the room is so small you feel trapped, and so on.
Decide what you want to say. Most people start talking without any clue as to what they want you to know. If you do the same thing, don’t expect anyone to understand you.
As an addendum to the tip above, make sure you stay on topic. If you want to discuss one thing but talk about two, you can’t expect your audience to know automatically what they should pay attention to.
The most widely applicable advice is to listen. Most people don’t, to be honest. But when other people know you listen, they’ll be much more likely to listen to you. Paraphrase, repeat, and ask questions whenever someone has something to tell you. Not only will they realise that you are listening but you’ll understand what they’re trying to communicate, which makes the whole thing a lot easier.
Most of these bullet points sound pretty serious, but you can use them in less important conversations as well. It’s all about deciding what you want out of a given conversation: if it’s something important, it’d make sense to adhere pretty closely to these rules, but if you’re just shooting the breeze, you don’t need to take them so seriously. And remember, the more you practice the easier it gets.

Good luck everyone, putting in the practice.

Cheers, Lexia

4 R’s of being assertive

Many of us struggle on a daily basis with being assertive.

It can be very stressful and get you into all sorts of uncomfortable situations.  Have you ever found yourself doing something and thought, why did I agree to this?  Would you like to be able to say no and not feel bad?  Would you like to learn some effective and non-bitchy ways to say no?  Have you ever wanted to ask for something but struggled to find the right words or felt you were unable to ask for what you need?

What is assertiveness?

It’s about speaking your truth in a respectful way that honors the rights of yourself and others.  It’s about being able to say no and about being able to ask for what you want or need.

4 R’s of being Assertive:

1. Respect for yourself and others:

“Assertiveness can happen when our self respect and our respect for others in balance”

2. Rights for yourself and others

Assertiveness is based on core beliefs… that I have rights and so do other people.“Assertiveness can happen when we balance our rights with the rights of others.”

3. Responsibility:

Whose responsibility is it? “Assertiveness can happen when we balance our responsibility to ourselves with our responsibility to others.”

4. Rational Thinking:

An ability to think rationally and explore your beliefs is important if you want to be able to be assertive.
Often irrational and learned beliefs can get in the way of our ability to be assertive.

Here are Ten common irrational beliefs, that can lead to non-assertive behavior.  As you read through them, write your new, more rational beliefs.

  1. You must prove yourself thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving, or you must at least have real competence or talent at something important. For example: I would like to be competent, but I don’t have to be.  Success does not determine my values.  My value comes from the way I think about myself.
  2. You must – yes, must – have sincere love and approval almost all the time for all the people you find significant.
  3. You have to view life as awful, terrible, horrible or catastrophic when things do not go the way you would like for them to go.
  4. People who harm you or commit misdeeds rate as generally bad, wicked or villainous individuals, and you should severely blame, damn and punish them for their sins.
  5. If something seems dangerous or fearsome, you must become terribly preoccupied and upset about it.
  6. People and things should turn out better than they do, and you have to view it as awful and horrible if you do not quickly find good solutions to life’s hassles.
  7. Emotional misery comes from external pressures, and you have little ability to control your feelings or rid yourself of depression and hostility.
  8. You will find it easier to avoid facing many of life’s difficulties and self-responsibilities than to undertake more rewarding forms of self-discipline.
  9. Your past remains all-important, and because something once strongly influenced your life it has to keep determining your feelings and behavior today.
  10. You can achieve happiness by inertia and inaction or by passively and uncommittedly “enjoying yourself”.

Where is your irrational thinking tripping you up?

Using Assertive Language:       Here are some Assertiveness statements for you to practice DAILY:

When you want to be assertive start your sentence with one of the following:

I feel, I think, I know, I believe, I want, I would like, I need

For example:  “I need to see the supervisor”.  “This box is damaged I would like a discount”.  “Thank you, however, I feel there needs to be a bigger discount.”

Remember to practice, information is wasted if not applied! Good luck, Lexia