How to feel good…..fast!

“Welcome the energy formerly known as disruption!”

“Invite the sensation you used to call discomfort.”

Or better yet, “Welcome rearrangement! Invite transition!”


And be ready to enjoy life more fully than ever before!

happyBhagavan would say to FEEL. To feel is to see. Freedom is in the seeing.

The ancient shamans have a secret practice that can help maximize  pleasure in life—and minimize  pain. Interested?

The shamans advise: “Welcome discomfort!”

They’ve got to be kidding!

No, they’re not kidding. The ancient ones are quite serious. Or shall I use another word other than serious? Because the effectiveness of “Welcoming discomfort!” depends on NOT taking the discomfort seriously!

Life in the 3rd Dimension

Here on Earth in the 3rd dimension, we’re engaged in a dance of duality, a ballet of opposites, a play of polarity. For every quality in our world, there exists an equal and opposite quality. Light and dark. Up and down. Forward and backward.

To create form out of pure formless energy, we construct this 3-dimensional world by believing in duality. Otherwise, we’d only be able to experience a world of oneness, sameness—pure energy, essence, spirit. And in order to experience any one quality in form, the reverse quality has to also be created in form. For one quality to exist—to come into existence, to be in existence—the opposite of that quality has to also exist.

So Where Does the Fun Come In?

happinessThe key to moving through life in our everyday world as easily, gracefully and pleasurably as possible is to be able to fully experience both sides of all qualities easily, gracefully and pleasurably. In other words, the shaman secret is an approach that keeps us from getting stuck in feeling the “undesirable” aspects of life any longer than necessary.

The shamans offer a practice that allows us to fully experience problems, loss, fear, anger, sadness or pain as efficiently as possible. If we approach the unpreferred qualities in life in a way that makes them easier to fully experience, we can move through them as fast as possible. And spend more of our time with the goodies in life.

Shortcut to Happiness

I know of no one who has been able to avoid the unpleasant events and feelings of life. So if we can’t have a universe without so-called “nasty” situations and emotions, we can at least learn how to deal with those conditions in the most effective and pleasurable way!

The Shaman Secret

The shaman way is to “welcome the discomfort” in life. Invite the uncomfortable, undesirable, unpreferred qualities of life. The solution is to make these qualities as attractive and agreeable as possible—so that we can actually welcome, invite and, therefore, fully experience each quality.

When a person chooses to fully experience a quality, event or feeling, the quality goes full circle, full cycle—and dissolves, disappears. When you give the energy of a situation or feeling the space—the acceptance—to fully express itself, the uncomfortable feeling is complete, done, fulfilled. You’re free of it. It’s over, gone, kaput. You can move on to focus on the more fun aspects of life!

How Do I Welcome Pain?

Good question! By choosing to not approach the situation or feeling as “pain.” Frame the condition with a “feel-able” label—that is, a label you’re more willing to experience. Choose a generic, neutral, uncharged label.

For example, name your “fear” “sensation”, “energy” or “vibration.” You might even be able to experience the “energy formerly known as fear” as “rush” , “adrenaline” or “intensity.”

Or call your “problem” or “crisis” a “challenge” or “situation” or even an “adventure!” Who wants to deal with a problem or crisis? Too heavy. Too serious. Too overwhelming. Too much!
Or that person you avoid because he or she is so “difficult.” Would it be more fun if you invited the “adventure” of intuitively dealing with this “challenging” person?

Fear is Excitement?

Yes! The actual energy we feel in our bodies that we usually call “fear” is the exactly the same energy as we call “excitement!” What creates the difference in our experience of the feeling is our attitude toward the feeling, our approach to the emotion, the way we hold that quality in our consciousness.

When we change the way we label or name “uncomfortable” states, the more approachable the condition is for us to feel, the easier it is for us to experience it—and therefore, the faster we move through the state to another condition that is more enjoyable.

So, if we approach undesirable states like crisis, loss, grief or anger with labels that are more easily feel-able—like situation, sensation, energy, vibration—we will be more willing and able to fully experience those states and move through them more quickly and gracefully.

When we don’t define or name the situations or feelings with a “negative” label, we don’t resist experiencing them fully.

Ride the Realization

You can also use the realization that “Oh, this is the way I set up my life. I create problems, loss, poverty, sadness and pain so that I am able to experience solutions, gain, abundance, joy, and pleasure. I’m willing to approach these states as ‘experiences’ or ‘sensations’ in order to move through them as quickly as possible to get to the other side.” On the other side of fully experiencing any aspect of life is always greater intuition and clarity—which, in turn, leads immediately to more peace and happiness.

What Are You Waiting For?

“Welcome the energy formerly known as disruption!” “Invite the sensation you used to call discomfort.” Or better yet, “Welcome rearrangement! Invite transition!”

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Imagine not worrying about what others think

Imagine how different the world would be if we could all push to do the things we want to do, be the people we want to be and live how we want to live.   ~Sophie 

 

worry not1. Stop Over-thinking

You are not the most important person in the world, at least not to others. It is probably in the majority of occasions that you think you are being judged where people don’t actually care for the thing you are worrying about. Do you judge every single person that you meet, probably not.  If you do, you might want to sort out that side of your life first as there’s no wonder you care what people think of you.

 2. Put things into perspective

To people that aren’t naturally concerned what others think about them, having an issue with it seems quite strange or even silly. The reason is that when you put ‘issues’ like this under the microscope you can see they are really not worth having. You only get ONE chance at life in the physical world and you are going to allow other people’s thoughts make it less enjoyable?

3. Be confident in your actions

Seeing as it’s likely we’ll always have some thought towards the feelings of others, what if we could really eliminate the amount of times it happens? Well, you can. The trick, if you want to call it that, is to simply be more confident in the decisions and actions you are taking.

Have you never seen someone that might be wearing something out of the ordinary or acting different to the surrounding crowd but things just seem normal and they aren’t being judged?

If you are wearing yellow shoes and are clearly uncomfortable in your choice then people are going to target you because they can see that and they probably want to feel good about themselves. However, if you can wear the shoes with pride and confidence, whilst clearly not caring what other people think then you’ll notice the negative reactions to be very small if any.

4. Learn to control your emotions

When you start to try things like pushing your limits or simply being more confident, you will undoubtedly have mixed emotions in your head. From stress, worry and fear, to relief and happiness, it can be a bit of a mind roller coaster; that is where controlling your emotions comes in.

The simple practice I learned from Eckhart Tolle goes a bit like this:

  • Be conscious of an emotion inside you i.e. fear or worry
  • Observe it within your mind
  • Notice that if you are observing it, it can’t be a part of you
  • Watch the emotion disappear

As soon as you observe an emotionyou are separating yourself from it. Feel it, accept it, and it will release.

http://dailyhealthboost.com/2011/12/21/the-secret-to-not-caring-what-people-think/#comment-886

Fear is worry magnified

Worry is just about the worst form of mental activity there is-next to hate, which is deeply self-destructive.  Worry is pointless.  It is wasted mental energy.  It also creates bio-chemical reactions, which harm the body, producing everything from indigestion to coronary arrest, and a multitude of things in between.  Health will improve almost at once when worrying takes a back seat.

 

Fear is worry magnified.  Worry, hate, fear-together with their off shoots: anxiety, bitterness, impatience, unkindness, being judgmental, and condemnation-all attack the body at the cellular level.  It is impossible to have a healthy body under these conditions.

 

 What you most fear is what will most plague you.  Fear will draw it to you like a magnet.  Thought is creative.  Fear attracts like energy.  Emotion is the power, which attracts.  That which you fear strongly, you will experience.  Invite yourself to move past that.  Try a new response.  Try laughter.

You see, suffering has nothing to do with events, but with one’s reaction to them.  What’s happening is merely what’s happening.  How you feel about it is another matter.

Embarrassment is the response of a person who still has an ego investment in how others see him/her…. Neal Donald Walsh

 

The 50% Rule

Create Friction Free Relationships

You have an awkward interaction with your friend. Do you blame her and wait for an apology, or do you proactively reach out to ‘own’ your part in it?

Your assistant does your marketing promotion wrong. Do you get irritated at her or do you calm yourself down before asking her to help you understand what went awry and how you can prevent it next time?

In the car, your spouse/partner is lost and aggravated, but won’t stop to ask for directions. Do you snap at him to ‘calm down’ and remind him he ‘always does this’, or do you take out your iPhone GPS and make a ‘note to self’ to print out directions next time (thus averting the usual spat.)

 

Your answers depend on whether you follow the 50% rule. Usually you want to change what the other person is thinking and doing because it is annoying you or making you feel upset, and you think they ‘shouldn’t’ do it that way.

The 50% rule is an approach to all relationships (romantic, business, parenting, friendship, family) in which you focus on being “impeccable for your 50% of the interaction”. It’s not about ‘being nice’ or ‘giving in to keep the peace’. It’s about taking responsibility for your part, relying on your own tools to get yourself into the right emotional state, and acting in a way that aligns with “who you want to be” in the relationship.

The benefits of being impeccable for your 50% are many: you walk away from the interaction feeling proud of yourself rather than guilty for lashing out. You preserve your relationship rather than chip away at it. You decrease the other’s defensiveness so they are more likely to listen to you (and if they are not capable of much change, you are already ‘in a good place’ and thus detached from the ill effects of their behavior).

And this is the most important: you are ‘in control’!

To try out the 50% rule, think of a relationship in your life you want to be better. Draw an imaginary line in between you and that person — everything on one side is your 50% (what YOU think, how YOU feel, what YOU say, what YOU do), everything on the other is theirs.

Notice that what you have been doing until now in this relationship may be efforts that “cross the line”. You may have been “taking on their 50%” (e.g., absorbing their negative energy, feeling responsible for their feelings, trying to rescue them) or getting them to act differently (e.g., blame them to get an apology; tell them they need to change; do favors for them hoping they will approve of you and appreciate you). The other person probably experiences your efforts as controlling and it may have backfired.

Instead, influence them to improve the interaction — but stay within ‘your side of the line.’ There are so many possibilities; here are a few to practice:

1) Take charge of handling your own emotional response

It’s so tempting to scream at the other person to “Calm Down!!!” When you are being impeccable for your 50%, you don’t try to get the other person to relax, you focus on relaxing yourself (so that you can actually deal with the other person in a way that is more calm — that will surely help them to relax!)

Before you snap at your spouse like in the example above, calm yourself down. Try a technique called “reverse breathing”: breathe in slowly through your mouth and breathe out slowly through your nose (this calms your liver where your frustration accumulates). You should feel a cooling sensation across your tongue if you are doing it right.

2) Accept others’ level of evolution and work on yours!

Accept that others are generally doing what they do for good reason (at least within their own worldview). Know that whenever people are being rigid it’s usually because they are stuck on an emotionally unresolved issue that deep down makes them feel bad about themselves (even though it’s not apparent to them). If this is the case, then expecting the person to come around and apologize is a lost cause. Instead of assuming your friend is a jerk, think through what you did before or after their awkward behavior that might have contributed to the breakdown, and take responsibility by clarifying and apologizing for your part.

3) Be bulletproof in your word and deed

Instead of blaming others, put your attention on communicating clearly so you can’t be misunderstood. Focus on using a tone that is motivating and respectful (e.g., say “help me understand what broke down here” instead of “you did this wrong”). Focus on noticing what the other person is doing right and let them know. Don’t give unclear directions and then blame your assistant/business partner for not producing what you wanted.

As you “say what you mean and mean what you say” but your assistant/business partner doesn’t, it becomes very clear with whom the “problem” lies and who is going to need to change as part of the solution. It shifts the balance of power and gives you strong leverage in negotiation — others cannot point a finger back at you, they must take responsibility or you will choose not to work with them.

In short, take 100% responsibility for your 50%. Decide who ‘you want to be’ in the interaction! The irony is that by concerning yourself with your own 50%, you raise the odds of getting the other person to act how you want them to act.

Enjoy the power of being ‘in control’ without being controlling!

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*** Article: How to Create Friction Free Relationships – By Sharon Melnick ***

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Wouldn’t this make a difference to our lives and our world! Comment below.

Characteristics of a conscious relationship

1.     You realise that your relationship has a hidden purpose – the healing of childhood wounds.  Instead of focusing entirely on surface needs and desires, you learn to recognise the unresolved childhood issues that underly them.  When you look at relationship with this x-ray vision, your daily interactions take on more meaning.  Puzzling aspects of your relationship begin to make sense to you, and you have a greater sense of control.

 2.     You create a more accurate image of your partner.  At the very moment of your attraction, you began fusing your partner with your parents or caretakers.  Later you projected your negative traits onto your partner, further concealing your partner’s essential reality.  As you move towards a conscious relationship, you gradually let go of these illusions and begin to see more of your partner’s truth.  You see your partner not as your saviour but as another wounded human being, struggling to be healed.

3.     You take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your partner.  In an unconscious relationship, you cling to the childhood belief that your partner automatically understands your needs.  In a conscious relationship, you accept the fact that, in order to understand each other, you have to develop clear channels of communication.

4.     You become more intentional in your interactions.  In an unconscious relationship, you tend to react without thinking.  You allow the response of your subconscious to control your behaviour.  In a conscious relationship, you train yourself to behave in a more constructive manner.

5.     You  learn to value your partner’s needs and wishes as highly as you value your own.  In an unconscious relationship, you assume that your partner’s role in life is to take care of your needs magically.  In a conscious relationship, you let go of this view and divert more and more of your energy to meeting your partner’s needs.

6.     You embrace the dark side of your personality.  In a conscious relationship, you openly acknowledge the fact that you, like everyone else, have negative traits.  As you accept responsibility for this dark side of your nature, you lessen your tendency to project your negative traits onto your mate, which creates a less hostile environment.

7.     You learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires.  During the power struggle, you rave, rant, and blame in an attempt to coerce your partner to meet your needs.  When you attempt to move beyond this stage, you realise that your partner can indeed be a resource for you – once you abandon your self-defeating tactics.

8.     You search within yourself for the strengths and abilities you are lacking.  One reason you were attracted to your partner is that your partner had strengths and abilities that you lacked.  Therefore, being with your partner gave you an illusory sense of wholeness.  In a conscious relationship, you learn that the only way you can truly recapture a sense of oneness is to develop the hidden traits within yourself.

9.     You become aware of your drive to be loving and whole and at one with the world around you.  As a part of your inherent nature, you have the ability to love unconditionally and to experience oneness with the world around you.  Social conditioning and imperfect parenting made you lose touch with these qualities.  In a conscious relationship, you begin to rediscover your original nature.

10. You accept the difficulty of creating a good relationship.  In an unconscious relationship, you believe that the way to have a good relationship is to pick the right partner.  In a conscious relationship, you realise you have to be the right partner.  As you gain a more realistic view of love relationships, you realise that a good relationship requires commitment, discipline, and the courage to grow and change; relationships are hard work.

Source – Beyond Success Coaching, Relationship Unit

Healthy relationships are going to be vital during the changes in 2012

Set yourself free!

Responsibility!    Stop the blame game.

Many people throw the blame for their problems onto someone else – usually their partner. When we blame others we opt out of responsibility. We abdicate the possibility for change. We lose our power to make a difference….all in the name of ‘being right’.  A great loss to the relationship!

Ask yourself:

What can I do to change the situation?

What did I do to contribute to this situation?

Did I not trust?

Did I fail to be clear about what I wanted?

Did I choose the wrong time?

Did I fail to stand up for what I believe is true for me?

Did I fail to ask for what I wanted?

Did I not ask enough? Appreciate enough?

Did I not do what I said I would do?

Did I procrastinate?

There is an often quoted saying, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free”. Facing up to truth is a choice. It is at the very core of human nature to blame others. Blame is a form of self-preservation, an escape mechanism for us. We don’t want things to be our responsibility, so we rationalise our actions and go to any extreme to blame others. However, the relationship suffers big time! In protecting ourselves, we damage the relationship.

When we appoint blame, we lose the opportunity to solve a problem. We are more responsible for our decisions than we think. ‘What goes around comes around’. When blaming, we may think we’ve got away  ‘with it’. Think again! Do you really think that we have? What are the real consequences of blaming? Does it work? I expect that the answer is “No”. Here then, is an opportunity to make a real difference. Choose not to blame…….it doesn’t work!

Nothing in our relationship will change unless we begin to do something different. If you want to get something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.

Gandhi put it this way, “We must become the change we seek in the world (relationship) and that takes a decision”.  It’s all in the ability to choose.

How often do we choose to be caring, honest, accepting and responsible?

These attributes don’t seem to be ‘natural’ in our society!

Maybe we get caught up in the following?

Not interested enough in others?    Too busy getting self together?

–  detracting from CARING / AWARENESS

Manipulating?  Defensive? Not wanting to deal with consequences?

–  detracting from HONESTY

Power games?  I’m not good enough? Fixed on “getting it right”?  Socialised black and white thinking?

–  detracting from ACCEPTING

Taking the easy route? Following others? Fear of making the “wrong” decision? Blaming others?

–  detracting from RESPONSIBILITY

If you catch yourself blaming, choose to stop, and feel good about being responsible!

Play to stay together!

The ability to be playful translates into staying power. Having fun together enables relationships to thrive in the face of stressful and challenging situations.

Try some ‘openness’, seeing things through their eyes.

All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing humor and sheer delight adds a unique restorative and healing element, reducing stress and mending fences. Nothing works faster or more dependably to alter stress and bring your body and mind back into balance. With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems in relationships. Finding ways to create a playful environment in even the most dire situation can dramatically transform the outcome.

In relationship, play is a source of pleasure made more joyous by the mutuality of the experience. We play together in relationship to:

  • Practice spontaneity

  • Let go of defences – forgetting briefly our judgements, criticisms and doubt.

  • Release inhibitions

  • Calm and energise

  • Become emotionally authentic

The laughter of course needs to be mutually shared and not one sided. Also, when we use humour as a cover for other feelings of fear, hurt, anger, and disappointment, we create confusion and mistrust in our relationship.

One of the best ways to learn how to play is to practice with the ‘experts’. Play with animals, babies, young children. Every one of us is born joyful.  It is our natural birthright.  We’re all born happy, playful, free, uninhibited and loving but, bit by bit, children learn to rein in laughter, seek approval, hide impulses and become conditioned to do only that which makes life easier for others.

Remember what made you happy and start shedding the old limitations and expectations.  It takes courage to choose joy.

Play gives us the opportunity to turn frustrations and negative experiences into opportunities for shared fun and intimacy. Laughter and the ability to see things from a humorous perspective make us resilient and gives us a means to strengthen the relationship.