Power of words

Are you proud of every word you say?

words to destiny“Would the people I am talking about feel special if they could hear what I was saying about them?

Will My conversations, with every person feel better or worse about themselves after they walk away from me?

Do I tell the whole truth or do I add some extra juicy or gossipy bits to make the story interesting?

Does the tone of my voice make me sound harsh, aggressive or loud?

Do I use complimentary, positive words about all the people in my life or do negative words about my family, friends, team mates or strangers appear when I am angry, tired, frustrated or feeling defensive?

Do my words compliment or criticise?

Do my words pick people up or pull people down?

Do I choose to speak highly of people or would it be better if I said nothing?

Do my words add value to or devalue the people in my life?

Would I be proud of myself if all of my conversations found their way onto the radio for everyone to hear?

Can I be proud of the person I am because of the words I use?”

Rowena Szeszeran-McEvoy

What’s your defn. of responsibility

How much is this planet in the state that we’re in because our social conditioning does not encourage the skill of making our own choices and accepting the consequences of those choices?  Do we try to control others, rather than support? How much do we as individuals take responsibility? Or do we play the very common blaming game?

Here is my favourite definition of Personal Responsibility –

Nothing and no-one is put on this earth to make my life work out.

 While things might sometimes overwhelm me, I take full responsibility for giving myself the best life I can,

regardless of the past, or what may happen in the future.

Furthermore, I have the ability to make choices about how I respond to situations even if I can’t change the situations themselves.

I refuse to see myself as a victim, even though I may at times be victimised.

I am totally responsible for my life.

I am not responsible for other people’s lives.

The diagram below on the left is a general reflection of past social conditioning. The right diagram is where we are moving toward. See the ‘benefit’ in living on the left! And the benefit of living on the right. It’s our choice.

In this day and age, we are evolving towards a self controlled, rather than an other controlled, society.  Our young are going to need this sense of responsibility if we are to become solution focussed rather than competitive and blaming.

“If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.”
—Les Brown

QUOTE: The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.  No apologies or excuses.  No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.  This is the day your life really begins.  ~Bob Moawad

I hope you find this interesting and thought provoking – I believe that responsibility is one of humanity’s learning in this Golden Age.

Peace, love and blessings, Lexia

The company we keep

company we keep

The type of company that we keep definitely affects the mind.

To handle company that pulls
down your energy:
First, you see that you do not
get pulled down, and second,
you pull them up. Third, if you
cannot do that, then you move
away from them.

How can one measure the type of company?
If you sit and share your problem with some people, after walking away from them, if the problem appears much bigger than you ever thought, it is not good company. On the other hand, after sitting and sharing your problem with your friends, when you walk away from them, if it appears as though the problem was nothing, you were unnecessarily worrying, it does not exist, then that is very good company. This is how you should measure company.

When you leave the company, if you go out with much enthusiasm, with a positive feeling, or your energy is pulled down and you feel negative, accordingly you can label your company.

Now if you find that someone’s company is pulling you down all the time, you do not have to avoid it, you simply have to know that they pull down your energy; the next time, you refuse to be pulled down, rather pull them up!

positiveThere are two ways to handle company that pulls down your energy:
1) Pull people out of their negative syndrome – If the company of your spouse or friend is pulling you down, and you feel that you want to avoid them, how many people can you avoid? It is impossible! Instead you step in, refuse to be pulled down, and instead say that I am going to pull them up now! You pull them out of their negative syndrome, that way you are influencing them rather than getting influenced, and this is what we need to do.

2) Recognize people, do not label them, nobody is negative the entire time – Do not label a person as always negative, it is not possible. It is just very comparative, very relative; sometimes they are negative, and sometimes they are positive.

Thus, first, you see that you do not get pulled down, and second, you pull them up. Third, if you cannot do that, then you move away from them.
So, company also affects the mind!

 

Source; http://www.artofliving.org/wisdom/what-affects-your-mind

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence = to be connected to our emotions,

in tune with them, and able to appreciate them

without being ruled by them.

Emotional intelligence skills help to achieve ongoing meaningful relationships. These skills need to be learnt.

The source of our communication and relationship problems largely come from emotional memory of our very first relationships, and the perception we have of ourselves and others.

Emotional memory can override our thoughts and profoundly influence our behaviour.

Developing emotional intelligence results in being in charge of your emotions and thus your behaviour, instead of your emotional memory dictating your behaviour. This emotional memory (baggage) is the source of many relationship problems.

The path to emotional intelligence is in the healing of emotional memory.

The healing is in the expression of the feeling.

Learn to feel your feelings, accept and express…….giving rise to appropriate choice of behavior.

Developing Emotional Intelligence is an amazing self empowering skill.

Marketing Intelligence

Would you agree that most arguments start with an issue but always end with (anger/resentment) how the other doesn’t know how to communicate?  What you’re each saying is that the other doesn’t know how to communicate the way that you do…and you’re right!  But that doesn’t make them wrong.  The wrong in these case is the lack of understanding what communication truly is.  Communication is saying what you want to a person the way they need to hear it.  It’s that simple.  This requires truly listening and getting an understanding of how the other person expresses themselves and stop calling them wrong for doing so.

So, I’ll close this by saying how we express our emotions are the beginning and end of all relationship woes.  If we’d first understand ourselves and how we express and receive information, we could then begin the process of understanding someone else.  At the end of the day, any issue that you have in your life , as it relates to communication, is only solved by changing yourself first!!!!         T Scott  (dehypnotize.wordpress.com)

More techniques to follow in future posts

Cheers, Lexia  

6 Relationship Needs

“Most relationships don’t breakup because of a lack of love,

they breakup because of a lack of skill”

Robbins-Madanes Training

John Gray says that children who have their needs met, behave appropriately.

Does this also apply to adults? Do you think that people in general, that have their needs met, behave appropriately? Here are 6 relationship needs

  1. Certainty/comfort
  2. Variety/challenge
  3. Significance/feeling needed
  4. Connection/love
  5. Growth/developing emotional intelligence
  6. Contribution/giving

Most people have two top needs that are more important. What are your two top needs? What are your partner’s two top needs?

We would all agree that a well functioning relationship has love/connection as the top priority. However, do we put our priority into practice? It is very easy to focus on a lack in an area, not realising that paying attention to the love/connection has a greater potential to reduce the lack or to satisfy the need. It is very cliché to say ‘love overcomes all’. Do we really believe it? Or, do we miss the truth and the power of love!

Most people want to get something from a relationship instead of giving to the relationship. Giving, and getting our needs from each other, cements a very strong bond. If you want change, be aware of your partner’s need and do what you can to satisfy it.

How do you feel love?  Do you know what makes your partner feel love?

Needs not being met will lead to fear and resentment. Also, the other will go elsewhere to have their needs met. Bottom line – it is very important for both partners to have their needs met.

Help each other grow. If you don’t know what they need, ask them! What’s important to your partner? Words? Touch? Visuals? Gifts and gestures?

How significant is it that they feel that they’re number one? What level are you meeting their needs?

Have the intention to;

Create certainty in the relationship…whatever that means for your partner

Support and encourage challenges

Show your partner how significant they are to you

Make love and connection your priority

Support their growth

Develop equitable contribution

Results;

  1. Rebuilding trust
  2. Creating emotional connection
  3. Enjoying intimacy and passion
  4. Appreciating your partner

Now, we also need to look at getting our own needs met!  I welcome your thoughts. Lexia

Art work by Jennifer Bedford,    http://www.theblissfulbrush.com

4 R’s of being assertive

Many of us struggle on a daily basis with being assertive.

It can be very stressful and get you into all sorts of uncomfortable situations.  Have you ever found yourself doing something and thought, why did I agree to this?  Would you like to be able to say no and not feel bad?  Would you like to learn some effective and non-bitchy ways to say no?  Have you ever wanted to ask for something but struggled to find the right words or felt you were unable to ask for what you need?

What is assertiveness?

It’s about speaking your truth in a respectful way that honors the rights of yourself and others.  It’s about being able to say no and about being able to ask for what you want or need.

4 R’s of being Assertive:

1. Respect for yourself and others:

“Assertiveness can happen when our self respect and our respect for others in balance”

2. Rights for yourself and others

Assertiveness is based on core beliefs… that I have rights and so do other people.“Assertiveness can happen when we balance our rights with the rights of others.”

3. Responsibility:

Whose responsibility is it? “Assertiveness can happen when we balance our responsibility to ourselves with our responsibility to others.”

4. Rational Thinking:

An ability to think rationally and explore your beliefs is important if you want to be able to be assertive.
Often irrational and learned beliefs can get in the way of our ability to be assertive.

Here are Ten common irrational beliefs, that can lead to non-assertive behavior.  As you read through them, write your new, more rational beliefs.

  1. You must prove yourself thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving, or you must at least have real competence or talent at something important. For example: I would like to be competent, but I don’t have to be.  Success does not determine my values.  My value comes from the way I think about myself.
  2. You must – yes, must – have sincere love and approval almost all the time for all the people you find significant.
  3. You have to view life as awful, terrible, horrible or catastrophic when things do not go the way you would like for them to go.
  4. People who harm you or commit misdeeds rate as generally bad, wicked or villainous individuals, and you should severely blame, damn and punish them for their sins.
  5. If something seems dangerous or fearsome, you must become terribly preoccupied and upset about it.
  6. People and things should turn out better than they do, and you have to view it as awful and horrible if you do not quickly find good solutions to life’s hassles.
  7. Emotional misery comes from external pressures, and you have little ability to control your feelings or rid yourself of depression and hostility.
  8. You will find it easier to avoid facing many of life’s difficulties and self-responsibilities than to undertake more rewarding forms of self-discipline.
  9. Your past remains all-important, and because something once strongly influenced your life it has to keep determining your feelings and behavior today.
  10. You can achieve happiness by inertia and inaction or by passively and uncommittedly “enjoying yourself”.

Where is your irrational thinking tripping you up?

Using Assertive Language:       Here are some Assertiveness statements for you to practice DAILY:

When you want to be assertive start your sentence with one of the following:

I feel, I think, I know, I believe, I want, I would like, I need

For example:  “I need to see the supervisor”.  “This box is damaged I would like a discount”.  “Thank you, however, I feel there needs to be a bigger discount.”

Remember to practice, information is wasted if not applied! Good luck, Lexia