Pain relief….doesn’t relieve pain

Your average Aussie is in pain.

What kind?

Emotional pain.

When we don’t have enough time, money, influence, peace, health, success, intimacy, happiness, appreciation, gratitude or whatever it is we are chasing – we notice that it’s missing and feel emotional pain.

That causes us to buy pain relief, which of course, comes in many flavours. It might be car themed, travel based, workaholic-ed, shopaholic, eataholic or any one of a thousand versions. One thing this pain relief will never do is relieve the pain, it only suppresses it for awhile.

Another method of pain relief is to actually allow ourselves to feel the pain.  I mean really feel it in the body.  Consciously bring attention to the feeling. Where is it?  What does it look like? What colour, texture, shape, sound etc. Recognise it, feel it and accept it!  As Paul would say, “The healing is in the expression of the feeling”. This has a reprogramming effect on the subconscious. The emotions stuffed down in the subconscious get validated ….consequently, with being heard, they can let go their controlling grip on our behaviour. When in pain, we need to be heard. Hear you subconscious pain, give it a voice, feel it and validate.

Give this reprogramming a go next time you are reaching for pain relief that your conscious mind knows is no good for you.

emotions with autumn


The company we keep

company we keep

The type of company that we keep definitely affects the mind.

To handle company that pulls
down your energy:
First, you see that you do not
get pulled down, and second,
you pull them up. Third, if you
cannot do that, then you move
away from them.

How can one measure the type of company?
If you sit and share your problem with some people, after walking away from them, if the problem appears much bigger than you ever thought, it is not good company. On the other hand, after sitting and sharing your problem with your friends, when you walk away from them, if it appears as though the problem was nothing, you were unnecessarily worrying, it does not exist, then that is very good company. This is how you should measure company.

When you leave the company, if you go out with much enthusiasm, with a positive feeling, or your energy is pulled down and you feel negative, accordingly you can label your company.

Now if you find that someone’s company is pulling you down all the time, you do not have to avoid it, you simply have to know that they pull down your energy; the next time, you refuse to be pulled down, rather pull them up!

positiveThere are two ways to handle company that pulls down your energy:
1) Pull people out of their negative syndrome – If the company of your spouse or friend is pulling you down, and you feel that you want to avoid them, how many people can you avoid? It is impossible! Instead you step in, refuse to be pulled down, and instead say that I am going to pull them up now! You pull them out of their negative syndrome, that way you are influencing them rather than getting influenced, and this is what we need to do.

2) Recognize people, do not label them, nobody is negative the entire time – Do not label a person as always negative, it is not possible. It is just very comparative, very relative; sometimes they are negative, and sometimes they are positive.

Thus, first, you see that you do not get pulled down, and second, you pull them up. Third, if you cannot do that, then you move away from them.
So, company also affects the mind!



Face your fears

Experiences repeat themselves until they are learned.  –John Gray


Some people seem to experience recurring problems in relationships. It doesn’t matter how many times they change partners, jobs, or friends, the same issues arise again and again.  For other people money is a problem.  They may have the tendency to overspend and run up debts, then they reorganise their finances vowing this will never happen again and before long they are back where they started, or in a worse position.

Recurring patterns are your signposts, and your opportunities, although they never feel like it at the time.  If you have any type of recurring problem you have an opportunity to face your fears, by doing so you free yourself from having to experience the same situations over and over again.

It’s tempting at these times to look at what’s causing the problem externally, in other words to blame someone, or something else.  This could be the Government, your employer, the economy, or another person.  If you’re not blaming someone else you might be blaming yourself.

It doesn’t matter whether you are right or wrong, the fact is that acting in this way won’t change the situation nor will it help you create a life you love.

When you acknowledge that you have control over your life and you stop blaming other people for the situation you’re in, then you are ready to face your fears.  When you do this you will find that you have one of three opportunities, sometimes you have all three rolled into one.


Opportunity one:  Every problem presents you with an opportunity to demonstrate who you want to be: this demonstration allows you to change a limiting belief.



Opportunity Two:  You are able to realise what emotional benefit you are gaining — the pay-off – from having your problems.

Some examples of pay-offs:

You get attention  —  eg always having a problem to talk about.

You take revenge  —  eg a teenager working below abilities or not working, could be taking revenge against a controlling parent.

Opportunity Three:  You can face some unresolved emotions that need to be dealt with.

Source;  “Love The Life You Live” – Anne Hartly

You need to allow yourself to feel, most of us were conditioned not to show anger or fear.

John Gray describes how some emotions support you in remaining ‘stuck’, while other emotions allow you to heal.

Emotions that keep you                      Emotions that allow you

bonded to your pain                            to heal

Blame, hate, resentment                           anger

Anxiety, self pity                                         fear

Guilt, doubt                                                 sadness

Depression, hopelessness,                         sorrow

“Every event in life can be causing only one of two things. Either it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you.” – Deepak Chopra

Have a look at this movie “No glass ceiling” –


What makes us happy?

There is no single key to happiness, but according to psychologist Professor Ed Diener, the following ingredients are vital:

1.   Family and friends are crucial, the wider and deeper your interpersonal relationships the better.  It’s even suggested that friendship can ward off germs, by having a ‘protective’ effect on us, in the same way that stress can trigger poor health.  This is because our brains control many of the mechanisms in our bodies which are responsible for disease.  ‘Happiness’ research reveals that, on average, friendship has a much larger impact on happiness than a typical person’s income itself.  Economist Professor Oswald has applied a formula to estimate that we would need an extra 50,000 pounds to compensate for not having friends.  Marriage can also influence our happiness, adding an average 7 years to a man’s life, and 4 years to a woman’s life; it would be interesting also to know the statistics on a greater variety of intimate relationships, such as defacto, same-sex, etc.

2.   Having meaning in life; a belief in something bigger than yourself, be it religion, spirituality or a philosophy of life.

3.   Having goals embedded in long term values that you’re working for, but also that you find enjoyable.

Psychologists argue we need to have goals that interest us to work towards, and which draw on our strengths and abilities, to lead fulfilling lives.

Contentment: the undervalued component of happiness

An opinion poll for the BBC series revealed that 56% of the respondents equated happiness with contentment.  ‘Contentment’ can mean: accepting things as they are; mental or emotional satisfaction; a peace of mind.  Does this mean not worrying or arguing?  Having all you want or actually not wanting?  A clear conscience?  It’s a mixture of all these things, and it suggests ‘not fighting yourself’.  When it comes down to it, what we want depends on us, rather than the situation; therefore by changing our perspective we can affect our level of contentment as much, if not more, as we could do by changing the situation itself.

Some quotes on happiness taken from the opinion poll.

happy“For me, happiness is about personal tranquillity”, “Being at peace with the way things are going”, “Happiness is when you are ok inside about where you are and who you are”, “Taking the dog for a walk”.   “There is no key to happiness.  The door is always open for us to choose.”

A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. Lewis Smedes


Parenting and child stages

The best qualification of being a parent is to discover love and teach it to your children.

14 emotions art of livingParenting begins with the intention to conceive. Your intention will have an impact on your child.

Without love, you will not respond but react to your child from fear, frustration or hurt.

If a child is brought up without fear and anxiety, they are capable of giving love.

A child is born right at the moment of conception.

The period of conception to the first 6 hours of the child’s life is crucial.

Keep the child in the space of love for the first 6 weeks…. especially, no super markets, or negativity.

A child’s education begins in the womb, where the child is experiencing what the mother and father are experiencing.  In the womb, the child is experiencing “being”.

Yoga, meditation and being happy are beneficial for the pregnant mother and for the child. The father’s most important job is to make sure that mother is very, very happy.

as it isIn the first 6 hours, the child has an expanded state of consciousness and can sense the thoughts and feelings of everyone around.  Shower them with love and touch them and hold them.  Children make fundamental decisions before the age of 6, which they may carry for the rest of their lives.


0-6 years

Treat them like a King or Queen.  Lavish them with love, attention and affection.   Reduce the ‘no’s

Try to be present to the child.

The child’s responses and perceptions evolve from here.

6-12 years

Treat the child like a prince or princess.

Strike a balance between freedom and discipline.

Be an example of what you would like your children to become.

Children are natural imitators. Children see and children do.

12/14 years plus

Treat them like a friend and equal.  Bring respect along with love.  Children who are respected grow up to be great individuals.

After 12/14, you need not give instruction to your child, rather use suggestion and enquiries.

Most likely your child will start saying ‘no’ to you. Do not suppress this no phase. It will pass by around the age of 18-20.

Suppression of this ‘no’ phase may lead the child to ‘no’ throughout life.

Help the child think and make decisions to be independent and enquiring, whilst at the same time giving them your full support.

Don’t feel guilty for mistakes.  Love can heal.

Hold your child in your heart, and if you have hurt them, ask for forgiveness.

In their innocence, they come trustingly into your care.

Reference – Notes from a Oneness weekend course.


Make a new friend every day

(Sri Sri Ravi Shankar at the launch of a special initiative, ‘Nonviolence: No Higher Calling’ in San Diego, California, on March 25, 2013.)


We need to live in the space of friendliness.
Just walk into a classroom and ask the kids, ‘How many friends do you have?’
We have to educate our children to be friendly. This is the way to end aggression. Give them a commitment to make one new friend every day, and you will see how their whole attitude changes.

Non-violence needs not be cultivated. It is natural, but today we need to cultivate it because we have moved far away from the tendencies of natural living. Children think they have to be aggressive to be a hero. This concept needs to be changed.
We need to bring back dignity and pride in non-violence. I would say, when we connect with different communities that will create a sense to belongingness. Fear, anxiety and insecurity will drop away from society. Love and compassion will take the front seat. And time has come for that love and compassion, which is the real nature of all of all human beings, to shine forth. We need to move away from the beast nature that has taken over our society.

There is not a single human being devoid of compassion. It is simply hidden. It needs to be brought out.


Integrity > trust

intention behave The Benefit of Integrity:  Trust

 The bottom line when it comes to integrity is that it allows others to trust you. And without trust, you have nothing. Truth is the single most important factor in personal and profession relationships. It is the glue that holds people together. And it is the key to becoming a person of influence.

Trust is an increasingly rare commodity these days. People have become increasingly suspicious and skeptical. Bill Kynes expressed the feelings of a whole generation when he wrote;


We thought we could trust the military but then came Vietnam;

We thought we could trust the Politicians, but then came Watergate;

We thought we could trust the engineers, but then came the Cballenger disaster;

We thought we could trust our broker, but then came Black Monday;

We thought we could trust the preachers, but then came PTL and Jimmy Swaggart.

So who can I trust?

At one time you could assume that others would trust you until you gave them a reason not to. But today with most people, you must prove your trustworthiness first. That’s what makes integrity so important if you want to become a person of influence. Trust comes from others only when you exemplify solid character.

“Becoming a Person of Influence”

John C. Maxwell  Jim Dornan


Character is made in the

small moments of our lives.

—  Phillips Brooks

People today are desperate for leaders, but they want to be influenced only by individuals they can trust, persons of good character. If you want to become someone who can positive influence other people, you need to develop the following qualities of integrity and live them out every day:

  • Model consistency of character. Solid trust can develop only when people can trust you all the time. If they never know from moment to moment what you’re going to do, the relationship will never deepen to a confident level of trust.
  • Employ honest communication. To be trustworthy, you have to be like a good musical composition; your words and music must match.
  • Value transparency. People eventually find out about your flaws, even if you try to hide them. But if you’re honest with people and admit your weaknesses, they will appreciate your honesty and integrity. And they will be able to relate to you better.
  • Exemplify humility. People won’t trust you if they see that you are driven by ego, jealousy, or the belief that you are better than they are.
  • Demonstrate your support of others. Nothing develops or displays your character better than your desire to put others first. As our friend Zig Ziglar says, help enough other people to succeed, and you will succeed also.
  • Fulfill your promises. Never promise anything you can’t deliver. And when you say you’ll do something, follow through on it. A sure way to break trust with others is to fail to fulfill your commitments.
  • Embrace an attitude of service. We have been put on this earth not to be served, but to serve. Giving of yourself and your time to others shows that you care about them. Missionary physician Sir Wilfred T Grenfell held that “the service we render to others is really the rent we ray for our room on this earth.” People of integrity are givers, not takers.
  • Encourage two-way participation with the people you influence. When you live a life of integrity, people listen to you and follow you. Always remember that the goal of influ­ence is not manipulation; it’s participation. Only as you include others in your life and success do you permanently succeed.

It has been said that you don’t really know people until you have observed them when they interact with a child, when the car has a flat tire, when the boss is away, and when they think no one will ever know. But people with integrity never have to worry about that. No matter where they are, who they are with or what kind of situation they find themselves in, they are consistent and live by their principles.



Be accountable for your choices and actions in life.

Expect that you will not always live up to your expectations.

Be aware of your character benefits and traps.

Be willing to make mistakes, learn and correct.

DON’T blame others or your life situation for not getting what you want.

Become clear on your own values and live your life in accordance with these.  What is important to you?  Why?


Honour yourself and who you are and don’t limit yourself to who you think you are.  You are inevitably far far more!

Life is a process of BECOMING.  Who/what are you willing to become?  Are you prepared to do the work? Be accountable?  Take the required action?

N.B.  Do whatever you need to do to RESOLVE YOUR PERSONAL HISTORY.  If you don’t – your history will run you!


This means transcending the conditioned limits of society,

going out into the world,

being absolutely magnificent.