6 Relationship Needs

“Most relationships don’t breakup because of a lack of love,

they breakup because of a lack of skill”

Robbins-Madanes Training

John Gray says that children who have their needs met, behave appropriately.

Does this also apply to adults? Do you think that people in general, that have their needs met, behave appropriately? Here are 6 relationship needs

  1. Certainty/comfort
  2. Variety/challenge
  3. Significance/feeling needed
  4. Connection/love
  5. Growth/developing emotional intelligence
  6. Contribution/giving

Most people have two top needs that are more important. What are your two top needs? What are your partner’s two top needs?

We would all agree that a well functioning relationship has love/connection as the top priority. However, do we put our priority into practice? It is very easy to focus on a lack in an area, not realising that paying attention to the love/connection has a greater potential to reduce the lack or to satisfy the need. It is very cliché to say ‘love overcomes all’. Do we really believe it? Or, do we miss the truth and the power of love!

Most people want to get something from a relationship instead of giving to the relationship. Giving, and getting our needs from each other, cements a very strong bond. If you want change, be aware of your partner’s need and do what you can to satisfy it.

How do you feel love?  Do you know what makes your partner feel love?

Needs not being met will lead to fear and resentment. Also, the other will go elsewhere to have their needs met. Bottom line – it is very important for both partners to have their needs met.

Help each other grow. If you don’t know what they need, ask them! What’s important to your partner? Words? Touch? Visuals? Gifts and gestures?

How significant is it that they feel that they’re number one? What level are you meeting their needs?

Have the intention to;

Create certainty in the relationship…whatever that means for your partner

Support and encourage challenges

Show your partner how significant they are to you

Make love and connection your priority

Support their growth

Develop equitable contribution


  1. Rebuilding trust
  2. Creating emotional connection
  3. Enjoying intimacy and passion
  4. Appreciating your partner

Now, we also need to look at getting our own needs met!  I welcome your thoughts. Lexia

Art work by Jennifer Bedford,    http://www.theblissfulbrush.com


What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s